Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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