DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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