Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
