just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
