i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
