SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
