Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
