do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
