My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
