Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
