seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
