don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
did i walk over a car last night?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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