she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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