She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
