So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
