i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Two words: nipple clamps
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