dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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