Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
