What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
