I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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