you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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