Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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