I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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