dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
