hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
