; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
