U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
