pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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