It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
