bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
