i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
