what day is it and did you see me today?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize