ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
