she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
