An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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