So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
