I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
