And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
