its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
