nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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