Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
