I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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