I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
