We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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