lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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