then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You work out of a Hotel?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
