you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
