hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
