I just threw up on my dentist
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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