I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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